How to Heal from a Karmic Relationship
I recently contributed to this Vogue article on karmic relationships, and wanted to dive deeper into the topic.
If you've ever found yourself destroyed by a relationship that was the 'deepest' in love you've ever felt and at the same time tumultuous and maybe even toxic - this article is for you.
As a licensed psychotherapist specializing in holistic therapy, with a focus on spirituality and mental health, I have supported hundreds of beautiful humans just like you, dealing with relationship stress. I am particularly dedicated to addressing the chaos and pain often associated with karmic relationships.
What is a Karmic Relationship?
If you're ever felt instantly connected to someone, experienced love at first sight, or jumped head first into a relationship that just felt right all at once, you may have experienced a karmic relationship. This type of bond is marked by intense feelings, deep passion, and volatility that shows up fairly early in the relationship. It sparks fast and often burns to the ground quit rapidly. You may even find these relationships echo past experiences or unresolved issues from previous relationships (or past lives), creating pain and stress that feels deeply familiar.
I find it helpful to remember that at its core, a karmic relationship is part of the divine design of your life, meaning it’s here to serve your conscious evolution and support the lessons needed for your soul’s growth. This can look like a relationship that has unresolved karmic debt from a previous life, or a relationship that has the possibility of significantly contributing to your soul’s evolution and growth. And while a karmic relationship might feel like a toxic relationship at times, that’s not always the case. If you are in a karmic relationship to rewire outdated relationship patterns in your life, then you might end up in a relationship that looks toxic or dysfunctional in order to finally learn to set boundaries and heal. A karmic relationship could also look like a soul match that invites a deeply fulfilling relationship beyond anything you ever imagined, in order to learn how to trust, and how to truly love in this life.
Staying open to how the relationship is asking you to grow is critical to navigating the karmic relationship path.
13 Signs of a Karmic Relationship
A karmic relationship can sometimes register as a soul mate meeting or a deep inner knowing that this relationship is important or different from other relationships. Often, an intuitive nudge will key you into a karmic relationship and you will have a feeling that you’ve known this person before or that you’ve been in a relationship for them for ages, even if it’s just been a few weeks or months.
The most common sign of a karmic relationship is that you access the deeply wounded parts of yourself that are in need of healing. One of the hardest parts of a karmic relationship is that the person who unearths these deep wounds is usually not the person who helps you heal them. It takes a lot of soul searching, inquiry work, and spiritual and psychological growth to navigate a karmic relationship.
Here are 13 signs that you might be in a karmic relationship:
You experience an instant love at first sight feeling, believing you’ve found your soul mate
Your deepest wounds come to the surface early on in the relationship
You feel compelled to stay in the relationship even when part of you wants to run
The stress, trauma, or toxic traits show up early in the relationship
It feels like an emotional roller coaster
You find that the relationship is all-consuming, with an almost obsessive quality to it
You feel like a codependent drama queen (and unrecognizable to yourself)
The relationship ends abruptly and unexpectedly
You or your partner may struggle to tolerate each other’s flaws
You experience trauma bonding
From the outside, it may look idyllic, but there’s a tender painful part that you try to keep hidden from others (even close friends)
Miscommunication and disagreements frequently define your interactions
The relationship may seem too good to be true at first, and it turns out, that's the truth!
Why Am I In a Karmic Relationship?
Despite the pain they bring, karmic relationships serve a higher purpose in life. They offer a powerful path to personal growth, inviting you to process unresolved issues from your past, heal and forgive past pain, and help you see yourself and your relationship patterns with depth and clarity. And they are often the catalyst for deep personal transformation. Does that mean we have to rejoice and celebrate? Absolutely not, but we can look for the lessons to lessen the pain.
Here are 5 reasons why you might find yourself in a karmic relationship:
You have unresolved karmic lessons to learn
You're ready to transform your unfulfilling relationship patterns
You're ready to heal your childhood wounds and need a relationship to learn from
You agreed to this relationship on a soul level to help the other person heal
You’re on a journey to learn self-love, even if it’s gut wrenching
How Can You Tell If Your Karmic Relationship is Ending?
Your karmic relationship might be coming to an end if you are experiencing frequent arguments, paired with intense emotional reactivity and an increase in physical attraction. You might long for the early days of your relationship when you idealized your partner and felt that love at first sight feeling.
Here are 5 signs that your karmic relationship is ending:
You are fighting more frequently, and there's an increase in volatility and emotionality
Your relationship feels stagnant but you keep trying to reignite the love at first sight feeling
Your relationship turns abusive or toxic (when people are hurting but no one can take responsibility for it)
You find yourself fighting more, but also experience an increase in desire or attraction for your partner that baffles your brain a bit
The relationship feels all consuming and like it's taking more than it's giving
How Do I Heal from a Karmic Relationship?
Healing from a karmic relationship can be a painstaking process, but ultimately offers you an opportunity to grow, evolve, and transform yourself, and your capacity for deeply fulfilling relationships.
At a high level, this can be achieved through forgiveness, taking responsibility for your part in the relationship, and exploring the deep roots of your relationship patterns in order to finally heal your unconscious programming. Easier said than done, I know! Be gentle with yourself as you heal, and consider working with a therapist that can help you process the experience, and is familiar with both the psychological and spiritual implications of a karmic relationship.
Free yourself from the cycle of karmic relationships.
Our therapists can help.
8 Ways to Heal from a Karmic Relationship
Acceptance
It can be difficult to accept that a relationship you thought was your twin flame, or soul match, has come to an end. Acknowledging this reality is the first step towards healing your heart.Forgiveness
Lean into the practice of forgiveness. You don't know what you don't know, and often learn through painful 'mistakes'.Ownership
Take responsibility for your part of the relationship, so you can learn what works and doesn't work for future relationships.Energy Healing
Practice energy work and meditation practices that will help you let go of the relationship both psychologically and spiritually (I prefer 'releasing the fishhooks' meditation over a traditional cord cutting ritual).Inquiry Work
Engage in personal inquiry work to understand your own relationship patterns. Take some time to reflect and identify any patterns or behaviors that contributed to the chaotic nature of the relationship. This will help you avoid recreating similar relationship in the future.Therapy
Identify any unfinished business that your karmic relationship was meant to address, and work through it work with a therapist that specializes in karmic relationships (the psychological and spiritual dimensions of being in a relationship).Self-care
During the healing process, it's more important than ever to prioritize yourself and practice self-care. This can look like finding more time to rest deeply, investing in relationships that soothe your heart, or doubling down on exercise and nourishment.Self-Love
Learning to love yourself is always a process, but after a karmic relationship ends you will need to re-establish your love for yourself. If you want support, download my 'Self-Love Guide'.
How To Move On From a Karmic Relationship
Karmic relationships can wreak havoc on your mental health, sometimes leading to intense symptoms of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, soul fragmentation, or even physical illness.
If you find yourself experiencing any of these symptoms, please reach out! Seeking the help of a therapist that specializes in relationship dynamics can help.
All of the therapists here at The Holistic Counseling Center offer holistic therapy that pairs traditional psychotherapy with a spiritual lens to help you understand how you go here, how to heal, and how to create a life that feels purposeful. If you're ready for support, you can book a free consultation call to learn more about how we can help.
And a final note, if you find yourself in a karmic relationship and know you need to move on, remember this:
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do for yourself is to say ‘no more’ and leave a relationship that is no longer serving you.
Just because you are karmically connected to another soul doesn’t mean you have to stick with them for this lifetime.
This relationship was divinely designed by your soul and is unfolding at exactly the right time for your soul’s growth and evolution.
Learning to recognize if you are being asked to lean in and trust, or let go and flow is sometimes a seemingly impossible task but comes with the gifts of deepening your intuition, and diving into the most important relationship of all in this lifetime: yourself.
References
Smith, J. D., & Brown, L. M. (2015). "Understanding Karmic Relationships: A Psychological Perspective." Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, 47(2), 167-182.
Rogers, A. L. (2017). "The Role of Self-Reflection in Unraveling Karmic Bonds." International Journal of Psychology and Spirituality, 9(4), 233-250.
Johnson, P. E., & Miller, R. T. (2019). "Karmic Relationships: An Intersection of Spiritual and Psychological Healing." Journal of Holistic Psychology, 54(1), 45-63.
Hendrix, H. (1988). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. St. Martin's Griffin.
Real, T. (2007). Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Random House.
Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health professional.
About the author
Kim Burris, LMFT is a licensed holistic psychotherapist, founder of The Holistic Counseling Center, and author of ‘The First 90 Days After Birth.’
She honors the mind, body, spirit connection and offers evidence-based psychotherapy with a heart centered approach that helps people find relief from anxiety and self-sabotage so they can live life with more joy, freedom and ease.
Kim and her team currently offer holistic counseling to individuals in California. Click HERE to book a no-cost consultation call.
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